Jewish Wedding

According to the law of Moshe and Israel Rabbi Moshe Isseles wrote that the true Jewish wedding has to be conducted under the stars to reflect the G-d’s blessing “to have as many bright children as stars on the sky”.

The Jewish wedding

The Jewish wedding starts when the bride and the groom stand under the chuppah—the wedding canopy. Chuppah symbolize the house that newly wedded are going to share.

Beneath the chuppah the Rabbi conducts betrothal—Kiddushin. The groom gives the ring to his bride and says “Harei aht mekudeshet li betaba’at zo k’dat Moshe v’Israel”. (Thou art sanctified unto me with this ring, in the tradition of Moses and Israel. Since now the bride is “separated” from all other men and “devoted” to her husband. The ketubah—a contract that contains groom’s obligation to his bride read aloud by the Rabbi. Then it is passed to the groom, who gives it to his bride, which thereby becomes her possession. Also a ketubah stated the rate of the money “insurance” for the woman in case of divorce or her husband’s dead.

After it a Rabbi read the betrothal blessings thanking God for bestowing marriage rites on us. Then the groom breaks a glass at this time. It is meant to remind those present of the destruction of the Temples, and other hardships suffered by the Jewish people.

Immediately after the glass is smashed under the chuppah, the couple goes into a private room to share a few minutes with each other. This is the first opportunity they will have had to be entirely alone together, and is a very special moment for the two.

Finally the Wedding Meal starts. Seven days after a wedding the couple has to arrange special festive meal with new people who didn’t go to the wedding. They receive the seven blessing every day.

There is a good custom for groom and bride not to see each other seven days before a wedding.

Engagement (Tenaim)

Tenaim, literally “stipulations” or “conditions”, is an agreement regarding the future marriage of two people. It is associated with a betrothal ceremony, still practiced by some today, during which the document is signed and one simple thing (like napkin or belt) is passed from the groom to the bride.

Traditionally, tenaim are drawn up by the parents of the pride and groom, and amount to a public announcement by two families that their children intend to marry. It records essential details such as the date of the wedding, and the financial commitments of all the relevant parties. A legally binding document, tenaim include a description of the sanctions each side will incur should they fail to live up to their obligations. Tenaim may also contain additional clauses which relate to a couple’s particular situation, and outline conditions with respect to anything from the city in which they will live to the division of responsibilities in the household.

Once the document has been completed and signed, it is read aloud to a gathering of the couple’s close friends and family. The celebration concludes with a customary breaking of a ceramic plate, analogous to the breaking of a glass at the end of the wedding ceremony. The breaking of the plate symbolizes the seriousness of the commitment to marry, which cannot be retracted once made, just as a plate cannot be restored once it has been broken. Traditionally, the mothers of the bride and groom join together to break the plate, thereby representing their impending separation from their children. Also it means symbolic separation of groom and bride from all other women and men. Some guests hold that the broken pieces are then put together into a necklace for the bride; others that the pieces are distributed to single persons at the ceremony, to bring them luck.

Then the festive meal for friends and relatives is arranged.

Tenaim is a symbolic agreement of intention but not an obligation.

Planning the Wedding ceremony

There are some days on Which a Wedding is Prohibited: Shabbat (from Friday night till Saturday night), all chagim (Rosh a Shana, Yom Kippur, Shavuot) including chol hamoed—the intermediate days—of Passover and Sukkot, Tisha Be’av (the ninth day of the month of Av), the Fast of Gedalia (3rd of Tishrei), the 10th of Tevet, the Fast of Esther (13th of Adar), and the 17th of Tammuz.

The bride has to immerse to the mikveh—the pool for ritual immersion—to become spiritually pure for the wedding. The immersion is possible only at the time the bride doesn’t have her periods.

Mikveh

Before the wedding a bridge has to immerse to the mikveh—the pool for ritual immersion—to become spiritually pure for the wedding. The rules of immersion are rather complicated and stated in a special part of Jewish law.

Clothes

It’s clear that the clothes of bride, groom and guests have to be festive. Men have to cover theirs heads by kipah or hat. The bride’s wedding dress has to be white, this color symbolize purity of the couple because theirs sins are forgiven. The wedding dress may be of any type but it has to correspond to the Jewish norms of modesty—elbows and knees has to be covered, no deep decollete or cuts are allowed, the fabric has to be opaque.

All guests have to keep this dress code.

It’s not reprehensible to hire a dress.

A week before the wedding

In many communities there is a custom for bride and groom not to see each other for a certain period of time (from one day up to a week) before a wedding. They meet each other right before the chuppah. The groom looks at bride’s face to make sure that it is really his bride. After this he covers her face with the veil.

The custom of having an entourage for the bride and groom also derives from their being thought of as a queen and king—a couple on their wedding day is compared to a royal couple, and thus merits the attention of attendants for this very special occasion. Historically, kings and queens were never left alone.

The groom is called for the Torah at the Morning Prayer at the Shabbat before the wedding. Everybody sing a merry melody in his honor, women pelt him with candies to make their life sweet and happy. The groom arranges a morning Kiddush for many people and demonstrates them his deep knowledge of Torah. The bride spends Shabbat with her family and friends who came to wish her happy marriage life. This Shabbat is called “Shabes Kala”, the bride’s Shabbat.

Fast

As on Yom Kippur, because the wedding day is one of cleansing and purification, it is customary to fast. The fast commences at daybreak, and ends immediately after the wedding, in yichud. Thus, the bride and groom commence their married lives by breaking their wedding-day fast together. Symbolically, they begin the day’s rituals separately, and finish them as a couple.

Ketubah

Ketubah is signed before the wedding by the groom in presence of a Rabbi and two witnesses who also sign the document.

Ketubah is a document that contains responsibilities of a groom and rights of the bride. First of all the Ketubah confirm the obligations of groom according to the Torah “not to deprive her food, clothes and intimacy”. Ketubah is not only the guarantee for the wife; it’s also a certain way to avert inconsiderable divorce. The Ketubah is written at Aramic—the spoken language of Jewish people at the time of Sages. The major part of the text is typical so the Rabbi brings beautiful letterhead and enters all missing details. Rabbi has to translate Ketubah that bride and groom can understand it. Rabbi reads out the Ketubah text one more time and signs the document. A testament that the act of kinyan, or act of sealing the ketubah document, has occurred. In order to ensure that the ketubah was treated as an authoritative legal document which could mandate the transfer of property described above, the rabbis required that there be an act of formal acquisition associated with the marriage agreement. It is important to note that the groom does not purchase the bride—no such relation of ownership is possible or permissible in Jewish law. The kinyan is a symbolic acquisition, and must occur in full view of the ketubah witnesses before they sign it. It is usually signified by the groom’s acceptance, and subsequent return, of a token object such as a handkerchief.

Bride’s and groom’s relatives cannot become witnesses.

Under a chuppah the groom transfers a ketubah to the bride who has to keep it.

Traditional ketubah text

On Tuesday, the _th day of ______, in the year ____ from the Creation of the World, according to the calculation of the city of _____, we witnessed how the young man _____, the son of the esteemed rabbi ___________, said to the bride, ______, the daughter of the esteemed rabbi __________ “Be my wife, according to the law of Moshe and Israel. I will serve, honor, sustain and provide for your needs according to manner that of Jewish men that faithfully serve, honor, sustain, and provide for the needs of their wives. I have given you the sum of 200 zuz of silver, according to the law of the Torah, and will provide food, raiment, and other basic needs, and live with you as is the custom of the entire world”.

The maiden _____ agreed [to the terms] and will become his wife, bringing along the dowry as provided for from her father’s house, either in silver or gold, jewelry, raiment, and furniture. ______, the bridegroom, has received the above dowry for 100 pieces of pure silver, and he has agreed to add on of his own another 100 pieces of pure silver—the entire sum being 200 pieces of pure silver.

Thus did the Moshe, the bridegroom, declare: “The collateral of this deed of the ketubah, this dowry and addition of my own, I have taken upon myself and my inheritors after me [for the bride] to collect from all the possessions and property that I have anywhere under the heavens, that I have either already acquired or will acquire, either from real-estate or moveable property. All of the above will serve as collateral for payment of this ketubah, the dowry and addition of my own promised money, even if necessary to be paid from the very garment to be taken off from my shoulders, either during my lifetime [in the event of divorce] or after my passing, from this day onwards.”

The payment of this ketubah, the dowry and the additional money _____ has taken upon himself, with all the strictures of all ketubahs and additions that are customary among the daughters of Israel, which are made according to the ordinance of the Sages, and not as a mere asmachta [an agreement based on assumption that both sides concur] or a simple agreement to a blank form.

We have made the act of acquisition [which makes the above document binding], from R. ________ the son of the esteemed rabbi ______, the bridegroom, to _____ the daughter of the esteemed rabbi ________, the bride, according to all that has been written and stated above, by means of a instrument that is fit to perform the act of purchase.

All of the above is firmly established and binding.

[The two witnesses affix their signatures here]

Witnesses

The Jewish law requires two witnesses for signing a ketubah and consucting a wedding ceremony. They have to be religious grown-up (older then 13 years old) men. The have to come earlier to take part in signing a ketubah.

Kabalat panim

The ceremony of meeting guests—Kabalat panim—is arranged right before a wedding with light snack and drinks. The bride and the groom are not allowed to see each other so the Kabalat panim is held in two different places. The married-to-be except congratulations and best wishes.

The bedeken is the veiling ceremony, during which a groom places a veil over his bride just prior to the marriage rites. This ceremony is often considered one of the most moving elements of a traditional Jewish wedding. Bride’s and groom’s fathers lead the groom to the bride. Fathers also hold candles in theirs hands that have to burn till the end of the wedding. If a bride and groom have maintained the custom of seclusion prior to their wedding, this will be the first time they have seen each other in several days.

People who attend a bride and groom are called shosvinim. According to Jewish custom it is a mitzvah—a righteous deed—to attend a bride or groom on the day of their wedding. The custom of having an entourage for the bride and groom also derives from their being thought of as a queen and king. While there are no stipulations as to who should attend the bride and groom, most often their parents escort them as they walk to the chuppah. Both mothers have to accompany the bride, and both fathers to attend the groom. Also any happily married Jewish couple can be a shoshvinim.

A bride sits on a beautiful armchair decorated by flowers and ribbons. Both mothers stand next to her. A groom attended by both fathers approaches the bride and lowers a veil over her face in preparation for the upcoming ceremonies.

There is a deep meaning in a veil ceremony. A groom covers a bride in presence of her parents and promises to keep and protect her, to give her shelter and care. The groom then departs, surrounded again by the male guests, who are singing and dancing all the while. The wedding ceremony begins shortly thereafter. Both mothers with lied candles in theirs arms lead a bride to the chuppah, other women follow them.

A bride circles her groom seven times. Seven is the number of days of creation, and the wedding ceremony is the creation of a new household. Then bride takes her place on the right of a groom. Parents or shoshvinim also stand under the canopy.

Chuppah

The chuppah is the canopy under which all Jewish weddings are performed. It is composed of a piece of fabric held up by four poles; the poles are sometimes fixed in place, and sometimes held for the duration of the ceremony by four honoured guests. There is also a longstanding tradition of using a tallit—a traditional prayer shawl—as a chuppah. A bride, groom, theirs parents and a Rabbi stand under the chuppah at the time of a wedding ceremony. A chuppah symbolises a groom’s house since now shared with his bride.

Kiddushin—a nuptial ceremony.

Who conducts a ceremony?

Traditionally a rabbi of a community or anybody he will entrust conducts a ceremony.

Music at the time of ceremony.

There is no strict rule about music at the time of ceremony. As a matter of fact people chose Jewish music to accompany the ceremony.

Have the chuppah be paid?

It is very important commandment to marry according the Jewish law chuppah is free. But a good tradition of charity exists. It’s better to consult you rabbi at this question.

The Wedding Ceremony

A wedding ceremony starts with a kiddush: a glass of wine is poured, and the traditional blessing is recited by the officiant “...boyreh peri agaphen”. The next blessing is birkat erusin: the betrothal blessing, is recited by the officiant. This blessing thanks God for bestowing marriage rites on us.

The bride and groom drink from the sanctified wine.

A ring ceremony

According to Jewish law, because the ring ceremony is the heart of the nuptials and is a momentous legal event, it must be witnessed in the same fashion as the ketubah. Witnesses confirm that this ring is groom’s property and made of gold. The giving of the ring is preceded by a repetition of the verse “Harei aht mekudeshet li betaba’at zo k’dat Moshe v’Israel”. (Thou art sanctified unto me with this ring, in the tradition of Moses and Israel.)

Traditionally, the ring is placed on the forefinger of the right hand during the ceremony and band to the third finger of the left hand after the ceremony is over. Guests proclaim “Mekudeshet” (consecrated) three times.

Now a couple is considered as wife and husband.

The ring must clearly meet the requirement of having a certain minimum value—in order to ensure this, Jewish wedding rings must be made of solid and unbroken metal, without stones or other additions. Thus, the requirement that the ring be of solid metal, and not include any other elements, is meant to assure the bride, and the witnesses to the wedding, that the groom is in fact fulfilling his obligations.

Although we can now quite easily assess a piece of jewelry to determine its worth, the custom of using a simple ring made of plain metal has been retained. The purity and simplicity of the ring indicate that ornamentation and extravagance do not matter at the moment of marriage. It also is a sign that on their wedding day all brides, regardless of how wealthy or poor, are equal in their participation in the marriage rite, and equal in their joy.

While traditionally made of gold, the ring used in a Jewish wedding may be of any appropriate metal—silver and platinum are frequently used as well. It cannot have any breaks—the ring must be a continuous circle. This symbolizes the unending and continuous love between a bride and groom.

In Jewish tradition men never wear rings.

Passing the ketubah

Then a rabbi reads out a text of ketubah and then a groom passes it to a bride.

Sheva brachot—the seven blessings

Then a rabbi fills a second glass of vine and starts reading the seven blessings. Sometimes this right may be passed to special guests. Everybody have to answer “Amen” after every blessing. There have to be at least ten men for reading the Shevah brachot.

The centerpiece of the marriage ceremony, the Sheva Brachot, or nuptial blessings, are recited as part of the wedding ceremony, at the conclusion of the wedding feast, and at certain meals which are held in the week following the wedding.

The blessings are most often recited by the officiant during the wedding, although this is not required—someone other than the officiant may be given the privilege of reciting the blessings during the wedding ceremony itself. Honored guests who are not members of the wedding party are typically chosen to recite the blessings at the festive meal.

Here is a summary of the Sheva Brachot:

1. kiddush: the first blessing is the familiar sanctification of wine.
2. “...shehakol barah l’chvodoh”: the second blessing praises God for his greatness in being the author of all creation.
3. “... hayotzer adam”: the third blessing praises God as the creator of mankind.
4. “... asher yatzar et ha’adam betzalmo, betzelem dmut tavnito...”: the fourth blessing praises God as the creator of mankind in the image and likeness of God.
   (**Multiple explanations by various rabbis are given as to the difference between this and the third blessing, and the reasons for including both.)
5. “... mesameach zion bebaneha”: the fifth blessing express a wish that the Jewish nation rejoice in the strengthening of the community through the marriage of two of its numbers, and praises God for perpetuating the Jewish nation.
6. “... mesameach chatan ve’kallah”: the sixth blessing asks God to bring as much joy to the companions who are about to be wed as he brought to the world in his creation of Eden, and praises God for causing the bride and groom to rejoice.
7. The seventh blessing praises God for creating joy (ten synonyms for joy are listed, represented ten varieties of gladness, are listed), and petitions him to bring that joy to the land of Israel and city of Jerusalem. The petition is often sung after the wedding, and is the famous verse “Od ishama be’arei Yehudah... kol sasson ve’kol simcha, kol chatan ve’kol kallah.”

According to traditional law, a minyan, or quorum of ten adult males, must be present for the recitation of the Sheva Brachot. They are thus omitted from the wedding ceremony if fewer than ten men are present.

The bride and groom drink from the wine. The bride, now officially married, may keep her veil lifted after this point.

Breaking the glass

When the seven blessings are read a groom breaks a glass in memory of destroyed temple.

Yichud

Immediately after the glass is smashed under the chuppah, the couple leave together and go into a private room to share a few minutes with each other. This is the first opportunity they will have had to be entirely alone together, and is a very special moment for the two. They can have a light snack after a fast. A Jewish wedding is not considered valid without it, and thus yichud must be witnessed. Two guards are appointed to check that the room the couple uses is empty upon their arrival, and to stand outside the door and ensure that they are not disturbed.

The wedding meal

There is no strict tradition about having chuppah and meal at the same place. You can arrange wedding meal anywhere. As every Jewish festive meal this meal include: kiddush (consecrating and drinking wine), hamotzi (consecrating and eating bread), a ceremonial washing of hands, and the recitation of Birkat Hamazon (grace after meals). In addition, at the meal which follows a wedding the Sheva B’rachot—the seven blessings which are part of the wedding ceremony—are recited again.

It is a religious obligation to make merry on the day of a wedding, and a feast provides the perfect occasion for bringing joy to the bride and groom, their families, and the community as a whole.

The Jewish law prescribes to men not to dance with women so usually the men’s part is separated from the women’s part by partition so men and women won’t see each other.

Presents

Usually a bride parents give talit to a groom so he could pray in talit the next morning after the wedding. A groom gives prayer book, bouquet and perfumes. Parents and guests can feel free in choosing a present.

A week after a wedding

Festive meals are arranged for a week after a wedding for just married to hear the Sheva brachot (if it is a first marriage for a bride). We do it to remember that Yakov waited for seven days after a wedding with Lea before he took Rachel as his wife. Also it is a chance for new guest to hear the wedding blessings. That’s why a new guest is invited to the meal every day except Shabbat. The minyan (10 men) has to be presented for reading the Sheva brachot. It is a big honor to invite just married for a meal during a week after a wedding.

At this time couple is free from household chores.

Practice advises

1. Prepare a glass beforehand for a groom to brake under a chuppah and put it in a firm package or silver paper. There is no bad sign if a glass is not broken from the first time. But make sure that a glass is not too thick.
2. The wedding dress is rather expensive and is wearied just once. There are a lot of shops where you can rent a dress. If it’s still a problem there are so called “gmacht” where a bride can get a dress for a low price.
3. Think carefully if you’d like to grant an honor of reading a blessing under the chuppah to your relatives or close friends.
4. If a groom doesn’t know Hebrew he’d better learn a wedding phrase he says before wearing a ring on a bride’s finger in Hebrew.